i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize