Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
