she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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