So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
