My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
