ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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