It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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