When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
