may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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