Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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