I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize