is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
