She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
