Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You're like the curious george of whores
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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