Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize