she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
