In the future we'll all be gay
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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