took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he fucked my hip out of place.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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