Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
