i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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