guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
