And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
