Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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