even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
