so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
