You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
