I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
