I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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