Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
