They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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