I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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