my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
