Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
