I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
