apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
