At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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