It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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