Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A bitchslap is in order.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
