Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
