I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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