went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
