I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
