$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
