So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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