There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
