Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
