just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
