don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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