i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
