Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
