I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
