My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She swung at the pinata with crutches
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
