Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
