Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Banned from zoo.
Again?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
