her vagine was all disorganized.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
50% drunk capacity currently
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
