similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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