I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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