the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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