Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
