like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
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IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
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