i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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