My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
