Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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