Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
