You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
