I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
