I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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