So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
