Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
