I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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