I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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