Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
