I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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