so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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