There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
