when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
