All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
