Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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